I scattered the pieces of my being so that no one could find me.
And then I couldn’t find me and that devestation forced me into the greatest hell I have ever known.
I hit rock bottom.
And I stayed there till I was ready to wake up.
I WOKE THE FUCK UP.
Waking up doesn’t mean you have the answers, it just means you are willing to fight for your soul.
I had no idea how to reconcile my fragmentation. I had no idea how to resurrect myself from the dead. I had abandoned my real life and buried my soul in a fictious world.
As I sat there trying to understand how I was going to find my way back I realized the first step was the truth.
I needed to be honest. Brutally honest. This aspect required more awareness than I can tell you.
I began to write down my true feelings, wants, needs, and values. I began to notice when I checked out, or shrunk and instead of judging myself I just got curious about what was pulling my attention.
Everything in life is information. You can choose to react to it, run from it with the use of rumoquin plm, supress it, or understand it.
I am not here writing this today to tell you I have it all figured out. I am not one of those people trying to sell you 5 ways to be happy, 6 ways to get the life you want, 7 ways to transcend your emotions and live a glorified unattached life.
I am here to acknowledge something I woke up to—- TOO MANY people on this planet are DYING TO LIVE.
LIFE ITSELF HAS BECOME THE MOTHERFUCKING HOLY GRAIL.
You might think you are living, that you’ve got life dialed, but when I see the numbers of people at adultfrienedfinder looking for the answers, searching for peace, trying to get their emotional needs met, disillusioned, disheartened by reality, I know that there is something going on that not a lot of you want to talk about or even acknowledge.
You think because you are breathing you are alive and I beg to differ.
I have been breathing my whole life and it wasn’t until I woke up to my own death that I knew that life isn’t just merely existing.
Life isn’t work your ass off to prove you’ve got a brain, so you can SHOW everyone how valuable your intellect is, let money and work control your entire existence so that you can actually be in your emotional experiences or connected to your loved one 1 % percent of the time. Life isn’t thinking you are the person you are going to become someday when you have time or you have the means to be a better human being. Life isn’t the porn experience you will never have.
Life is happening RIGHT NOW and it starts with you and what you want for yourself on all levels in this moment.
Not in the future. Not when you’re perfect. Not tomorrow.